Piano Productivity

I woke up early yet late today (oh Daylight Savings), went to church, and started recording takes for my piano tracks. "Don't Wanna" went alright, but "Wake Up" was brutal. You realize how much you don't know a piece when you have to record it.

Everything's coming along this year...

Public Apology

Sorry, I've been sandbagging lyrics, thinking that everything should be kept secret. But I hate that. And I guess I'm also waiting to finish songs before I post them, but that takes the fun out of the creative process. That's assuming that my songs are completely perfect, and I don't want your input. But YOU, reader, I do want your input. Because while I am creating my own art (insert artist statement), I'm also catering to you, my audience. And it's important that you like what you are (possibly) supporting.

So here you go! A big spoonful of despondency.

"January 4, 2013"

Some days, I can't speak.
Stay home alone, and I just think.
I don't want to go out, just be by myself.
No one can break my quiet shell.
Don't ask me to host.
I can only pose.
I need a minute to calm down.
I know time is lost,
But I've been burning out.
Oh no, it's important to hang out.

So I go, I drive on.
This and that for every person.

What went wrong?
Why are we here?
What is this silence drawing near?
What went wrong?
Why didn't it last?
What made you leave so fast?

The perfect planner in for difficult denial.
Filling the awkward blips with amiable sunshine.
Hid in technology to prove imagined quests.
Sustaining hazards for sake of keeping clean contacts.

Awkwardness prevails and slowly drives away.

What went wrong?
Why did it die?
Why am I for keeping love alive?
What went wrong?
Why didn't we last?
What made your forget me for him so fast?

I love you. I need him.                 |          I love her. I need you.
Can't you forget about him?         |          Can't you forget about her?
I hate you, I hate him                   |          I hate her, I hate you
For what you did.                        |          For what you did.

"February 5, 2013"

I feel inadequate today.
My ruler isn't big enough to measure
The talent that surrounds me...mocks me.
Inspired by the failure to produce,
I make excuses, and let it loose.

My dreams are far, far away.
And if I keep it up, there they'll stay.
Try, try to stay awake.
Because today could be my day.

This is the life.
Risky business.
Put in the time
Without promises.
This is the dream.
You can't lose it.
Pick up the pace
And redo it.

February Pop Star

I wanna be a pop star.
I wanna change your life and make you happy.
Look to me when you're in need.
I'm your hero.

I'm doing things I don't wanna do,
Taking names, singing songs I don't really feel.
Collaborate with the ones who will make me strong.
Change the lines until I don't make sense anymore.
I breathe magic in your ear. You stop
Long enough to keep the money flowing.
I will never disappear, I hope,
As long as you follow me.

I wanna be a pop star.
I want unhealthy debates and a million death threats.
Let me corrupt your mind.
I'm your sinner.

I'm doing things I don't wanna do,
Saying things I don't really feel.

Just One Question

"February 28, 2013"

Just one question...
Who are we? Where do we come from?
Why are we born, and then we die?
What makes us important?
How do we survive?
Why is there evil? Why is there choice?
Are we pre-determined?
I wanna know.

Why do we look like them?
Why don't they look like us?
Why do we think like them?
Why don't they think like us?
I have to know.

What is your plan for me? (Repeat)
Why am I here? Where should I go?

What is your plan for me? (Repeat)

Why am I here? Where should I go?

Is it easy to watch us,
Knowing we have failed You?
Do you really love us?
Is the Bible true?

"March 4, 2013"

I apologize for my ennui. I'm working on it.

I made too many mistakes,
Too many final decisions.
I broke too many hearts.
I burned too many bridges.
And now, I walk alone,
Follow the ones who still can love me.
No matter, where I go.
No one's truth can validate me.

I'm alone.
Disconnected from my feelings.
I tear through social stature,
Never knowing who's on my side.
Just give me a reason to be alive.
Awake the dying boy inside.

I played it safe too much,
Passed too many chances.
I gave away too much,
Leaving myself hollow.
I've changed a lot from Self-Confinement,
No more edgy confidence.
I crawl, fixed in temporary,
Unable to decipher ennui.

I'm alone.

Disconnected from my feelings.

I tear through social stature,

Never knowing who's on my side.

Just give me a reason to want to cry.

Give me some control of my life.

We're together in my head.
You, or you, or you, and me.
It took hours of cautious dreaming,
But I finally got the right idea.
I love getting ideas,
Theories so appealing.
So why can't someone love
The idea of me?