Identity Crisis (April 13, 2012)

Identity Crisis
I'm not anyone today.

Identity lost in my mind.
All my feelings wash away
Until I come out to
Save myself from this null-and-void.

I take a chance to satisfy,
But scorn saves me from the truth.
Made of rock and metal sides.
Despair saves everything I lose.
I'm not blind,
But I'm not moving.
Look straight ahead.
My future is improving.
With no faith in me,
I push harder.

Nothing to say.
Nothing to prove.
Fault: uselessness.
Complaining to hide
From anything true.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
Out of control.
Impulses surface.
Never a censor.
Never a stopper.
Instant contention.
Never an answer.

I'm not anyone today
Because I don't want to be.
No, you will not define me.
You won't know me.
I fray until strands
Of my mind break,
And I end up lonely.
Who wins?

Morning Exercise

No soufflé and no coffee.

Guess I'll wait for my creation.

11:30 and still going.

Time: no longer an object.

Pressure stalled, the more I sleep.

Gravity not fully realized.

Haven. Safety.

When I leave this bed,

I'll have to grow up.

Face the money, face the problem.

Pretend I'm cared about.

The ink is running out.

Who doesn't want me to write?

Paranoia already settling in?

At least it isn't real.

Curtains closed, but privacy breached.

They know too much about me.

I gave too much away.

Now, I'm alone.

Mystery and secrecy

Draw attention, stability.

No one wants an empty book.

They'll read it for themselves.

Is there something happy to say?

Why do I always go negative?

Yesterday was a good day

Until I started thinking.

If I turned off my brain

For the summer,

Would everyone like me better?

If I write my thoughts before I think,

Maybe I'll have a better day.

So, I've started reading a book on how to improve your songwriting. The first exercise is to write what you see every morning so that you warm up the songwriting part of your brain. I don't know how I feel about that, but I guess I'll start tomorrow morning. What could it hurt?

New Songs

I sorta finished "Killer" last night (still need to do some mixing and add crashes), and I recorded "Identity Crisis" today. Feeling like I'm in a creative mood tonight, so I might go a little further on the other pieces. We'll see.