September 19, 2009

I miss you
And I still...I still...
I'm still here,
But somewhere else.
There are feelings I keep to myself.
I'm always looking back,
Hoping I could see you smile.
But all I've found
Are games we play, sustain denial.

We try and try at different times.
No overlap to save this.

Blue in the face
From holding my breath.
Wishing and hoping,
Trying, connecting.
But sugar-coat can't keep it together,
And he's still...there.

No words, no pictures, faint memories.

September 13, 2009

I hate Facebook...

Ooh, I like you.
Don't know you,
But I'm sure you'll be alright.
Let's call it relationship.
Everyone says we'll be fine.

'Cos everyone's been waiting.
Oh, now they're all excited.
I get my glasses and keep my head down.
It's not the right time.

I don't like you...

I found out
(We were fine)
Going home from that midnight ride.
I don't know
(What I was thinking)

September 3, 2009

Haven't seen you in a while.
I've been doing some thinking.
You said you're doing fine.
Well, I want to say something.
These last two weeks have been fine,
And I think you could be someone
I could be great...friends with.
Oh, please don't give me that look.
What were you expecting?
There were no stars in our sky.
I thought you'd understand.
I'm not the one, can't be that guy
...for you.

It's so hard to find someone
Who loves to laugh and talk to you
Like you're the one thing that matters.
It's so hard to find a girl
Who loves you back while being friends.
You will find that no one else matters.

August 30, 2009

How do I say this?
I was wrong.
My feelings, they're changing.
I tricked myself to fall into your arms.
You're gripping too tightly.
I've reason not to need for what you want.
Now let me say nicely
I've only been dead and on the run.

Don't you think that nothing isn't something?
So why don't we be level-headed?
Let's write it off and save the heartache
Before the wounds start appearing.
Yeah, I know you'll cry.
And, well, I'll cry too.
No, I can't make you
The one I wanna love.
And I'm so blinded by another view.
I won't settle for you and I.

July 30, 2009

Wouldn't it be easy
If I could change your mind?
Make a new decision for you?
Keep you on the safe side?
Would you like it
If I took control?
Forgave your mistakes?
Told your hate to let go?

Luke Morin Anthology

Working on converting a lot of my songs to piano music. It's going to take a while...I've completed Invisible (Lubov Konchena), Not the Only One, and Too Destructive.

July 20, 2009 (Wish You Could See Me Now)

Lazy days,
Filling time so I don't think about you.
You haven't called.
Just as lonely as before.
I'll take a walk,
Pretend you're out there thinking of me.
Watch the cars go by.
I think I see you

In the car
As you are driving by,
But another look says
You were in my head.
Maybe if I stop thinking,
I'll hear your voice
Calling my name.

I wish you could see me now.
I've changed a bit, just wanted you to know.
And there's no excuse.
I only think of you.

March 19, 2009 (I Do So Hate You Very Well) [Full Lyrics]

I'm just a stupid boy.
I don't know anything.
Look up to the sky.
I'm just chasing a dream.
When I'm all ready,
I'm standing in a line.
Waiting for the girl
Who's always on my

Mind your step.
I'm always waiting my turn.
I couldn't get any worse.
You're always getting in my way.
It took me the likes of you to say

I do so hate you very well.
I'm sick and tired of this very act of standing still.
I do so hate you very well.
I'll never give myself away.

I don't know how to speak
Like I know everything.
I don't know how to play
All of your stupid games.
I don't have the time
To sabotage your stay.
But listen to me. If you hurt her,
I'll know where to find you. It's that easy.
And I never wonder
How you were found.
No, I simply wonder
Why she's sticking around.

Round the corner.
Open your frivolous eyes.
Regret the day you realize
I will not be anything buy polite.
But when there's no disguise...

(Chorus)

It's so un-Christian of me,
But I hate you.
Waiting respectfully
For my chance to fly.
In my un-twisted view,
No one deserves the
Disgrace you bring upon all of us.

I'm not a stupid boy.
I'm a stupid guy!

(Chorus)

July 15, 2009

What if I kept you in my heart?
What if the wait wasn't so long?
What if you looked me in the eyes,
See I wasn't wrong?
What if you took me for a change?
And what if your mind wasn't so strange?
So I wouldn't hear of him.
He'd be gone.

I don't ask for help.
I don't need any help.
But I need you.
Why are you wasting your time?
Where were you tonight?

New Album Idea

It's gonna be called "Solitary Self-Confinement". I don't really know what I'll do with "Never WANTED To See You". It might still be a possibility. But the former will be set as a journal sequence based on my experiences and feelings of the past year. It's like my music journal. And the title is revitalizing the independence and reclusion I bring upon myself.

July 12, 2009

I came here just to hang out.
Didn't know I'd have to watch you make out.
I'm happy for you.
So can you knock it off? Fine something else to do.
My mistake. I didn't see you appear.
I was to busy txting so I wouldn't have to hear
The stupid things you say to each other.
The way you're acting, I'm about to call my mother

'Cos I...feel so uncomfortable.
I...I feel so uncomfortable.
I need to go. I need to go home.
Let me alone. Let me...God, I'm so alone!

One-on-one is a bad combination,
A horrifying tale to tell the children.
Couple couples, make a freakin' baby!
Just not in front of me. I won't see any of it.

I'm a lightweight,
So deeply conservative.
God first, family next.
I'm set in my opinions.

July 10, 2009 (Obsessive, Compulsive, Yet Not a Disorder)

Pull out my phone,
Feeling so left out.
Fake a little social life
To keep confident.
Desperate for affection,
A little care and presence.
God, why don't things happen
On my terms?

You weren't there when I was alone.
So why am I so soft to you?
What the heck happened to my backbone?
Why so many messages I've sent for you?

(The boy's obsessive)
I just know what I want. Don't take her from me.

July 7, 2009 (My One and Only Other Guy Song)

(This is against everything I know,
But here I go)

I'm one "try to be Christian" boy.
I've never felt the need to qauit.
Faith in God isn't a weakness.
He doesn't know who he's messing with.
I've never like profanity,
Afraid of immorality.
Don't take me to be naive.
I'll end his time, no goodbyes.

I hope some light has shined through.
Trash like him shouldn't be near you.
I don't like to compare,
But I'm better.

So, there may not seem like much to me.
But I'm as strong as the next guy.
Yeah, I don't dwell on serious. I'm a little too happy.

July 6, 2009 (I'm Not Your)

I'm not the sugar in your tea.
There's no reason for me to be sweet.
All the pleasantries are said politely.
I'm not the shoulder for your head.
Keep your complaints to yourself instead.
Put me on minimal importance.
I'm just a friend.

I'm not your boyfriend,
So keep your eyes off of me.
Hold his stupid hand. Pretend you're happy.
I won't be second.
Don't expect to talk to me.
Messing up my head and my heart
Without the guarantees.

I'm not the sample.
Nothing from me is free.
Stay invested or pay penalties.
I don't have his ego,
And I'm not so bold.
But you wasted time when I was ready.
I'm not the protector.
I don't need to be there for you...
Even though I want to.
I'm not a promise.
Shut up! You can't even make one.
But I promised you love.

(Chorus)

July 5, 2009 (Jealous Much?)

What did I do?
Oh, what could I have done?
It's never getting better.
I filled the hole
Then left another one.
I was trying to stay out.
Now I can't talk to you,
And I don't feel bad for you.
I'm waiting for you to take me for what I am.

I won't change a step.
And I won't make the moves easy.
Girl, you're so hard to get.
So if it's him you need, why are you looking at me?

I'm just a nice boy,
People always around me.
Go soften up those pretty eyes.
No reason for jealousy.

June 22, 2009

I'm sorry I didn't say hello
When you sat at the other table.
Guess I'm just learning to tune you out
When you say nothing at all.
So sorry I didn't talk to you
'Cos your boyfriend's just so...stu...pid.
Guess I'm just losing my patience,
That fine line between
Who I am and who I thought you'd be.

Don't go and leave me in my hypocrisy.
I'm not the one you thought would be so incomplete.
I'm not the boy with immaturity.
Take that up with him.
Don't turn me away from you.

June 16, 2009 "May 28, 2009 (I'm Not It)"

I'm a really nice guy.
Sweet, attentive, caring, soft.
I'm smart and funny and everything,
But I'm not it.

I like you a lot,
And you're perfect to me.
The prettiest girl I've ever seen,
But I'm not it.

Burn it into my brain.
Force me to say it again and again.
Make me write it 'til I go insane.
"I'm not it!"

I've written this song a million times.
It's spinning me 'round this same record.
Dizzy and scraped up from flying off,
Only willing to climb back on.

I hear the same words I say,
Have the same thoughts every day.
Please let me end this tragedy.

(Silence)

Thanks...

June 16, 2009

We sit at opposite sides.
I thought I played so well.
I didn't make a mess,
Didn't let the secrets spill.
And you need me to be there,
And I need you.
But I won't compromise with
Your hurtful guise.

Don't put me in the middle.
I'll sit all by myself.
I didn't ask for disapproval.
So show my life some respect.
Maybe if I was three years older,
You wouldn't ignore me.

Move down some seats.
After all, they are annoying.
Forget my unforgettable presence.
Take me out of the picture frame.

Even on my darkest days,
I had you to hope for.
But all I really have
Is your empty words.

May 7, 2009

Today I scared myself so bad.
I fell completely to the floor.
All of this love for you I had,
I tried to slam the door.
I know you're stringing me along.
And I can't play anymore.
I've held my heart out too long.
I'm taking it back for someone else.
And when you're alone,
Don't cry to me for help.

I'll always love you,
But your time is up.
So I'm done.

This is harder than I thought.
Waiting was a part of me.
And all these thoughts in my head
Screwing with my sanity!
The smile has faded,
So just go away.
Come back so I can tell you
Not today.

Next day, I've planned to leave you.
Cut the leash you have on me.
And then I have to see the face,
Enduring yet another heartbreak.
I recognize my crestfallen tracks
That led to the snare in my place.
I'm hanging upside down,
Waiting for you. Wasted days.

You never said a word to me
Out in the public face.
Not a look, a smile, a gesture
To let me know I really mattered.
Take a look in these painful eyes
For the last time. It's been too long.

This is harder than I thought.
I thought I could wait long enough.
Now your lingering memory's
Screwing with my sanity!
Your chance has faded,
So just go away.
Come back and I'll tell you
How great we could be.

April 29, 2009 (The Rain)

Drops of sorrow down the road.
The cloudy gray breaks hope.
But the recklessness I feel
When skies grow dark.
I'll love you
With all my heart.
Not a sound to spare.
The scent of life in the air.
I hate to interrupt your life,
But I'm about to take flight.

Pour me over, let me fall.
(I'm so close to breaking)
Feel the water cascade down.
(Let it hit your beautiful face)
Drenched and self-conscious.
I'll never be dry again.

I've been storing myself inside,
Stopping up the raging tide.
But drops are overflowing walls,
Indestructible stone tumbling down.

April 27, 2009

Oh, I like you.
I would risk my life just to love you.
I can't remember being so insane.
But I'll always see you walk away.
Confusing, all the violence kept inside.
My burning wanting, what I have to hide.

I heard my first request,
Also my next and last lament.

And you threw it in my face,
Explained my sad mistakes.
I couldn't be any more wrong.
My mind lost for so long.
I'm such a great guy
Who deserves much better.

Lotsa Lyrics to Update On

April 7, 2009
I don't know
Whether I should love or back off,
When I should keep trying to talk.
I'll give up, throw hope out the door,
Then crawl back 'cos I need more.
I can't tell happiness and distress.
I can't figure out why I've made this mess.
I don't want to feel the pain of regret,
So I'll try my best to stay ahead.

I don't know
Why I'm so thoughtless,
Why I'm expecting you.
I don't know
Why I'm so hopeless,
Hoping to fall for you.
I don't know
Why it's so easy
To keep me dangling on...
On a ledge I built myself.
And someday, you may knock it down.

Sleep

Mama, you don't look so well.
I'm human enough to tell.
I'm sorry that I hurt you so,
But I can't breathe.
I'll take my memories from this cell,
Hold them forever when I'm in Hell.
You tell me that I'm saved,
But it's too late for me.

I'll sleep it all away.

I'll never know what it's like to be
Out in the open. So wild and lost, but free.
Maybe when I meet God,
He will answer me.
I'll write the letters that go unread,
Take the emptiness and leave it in my head.
I left so many things unsaid.
I'm so hard to reach.

I'll sleep it all away.

Won't you believe me?
I can't fight this
Fate I see.
I invite it.
(Repeat)

I'll sleep it all away.
(Repeat numerous times)

...oops! I found an extra verse that I never recorded. Maybe I'll have to have a bonus version that includes this verse.

Mister, I don't need your help.
I'd be better off without Him now.
I don't deserve to be free
From all of this pain.
They took away my innocence.
I didn't have a chance to avoid death.
Now, I choose to take this shame
And walk on straight.

A Lesson Before Dying Soundtrack Tracklist

1. A Ghost **
   
2. Judgement *
   
3. Raise Me Down (3)
   
4. Too Destructive (3)
   
5. Plastic People (3)
   
6. NightYear (3)
   
7. Heard And Wanted (3)
   
8. 05 New. (3)
   
9. Sleep *
   
10. The End (3)

**= not a new song, but not from TheDangerZone Part3
*= new song
(3)= from TheDangerZone Part3

New Song!

So, for the past few days, I have been working diligently on procrastination hw. I know, shocker! But part of the project I had to do for A Lesson Before Dying was to create a soundtrack. Luckily, I am a musical artist! :-) So I got into action. Seeing that I only had three days, I didn't get too many songs finished (2!). But they're pretty good. The first one, called "Judgement", is an orchestral track. I like how weird it sounds, and there are a LOT of triplets. Then, there's my new obsession: "Sleep". It's Jefferson's song. I'm completely in love with it. It just sounds...so...COOL! I love the music, I love the vocals, I love the lyrics. I've played it a million times and it hasn't gotten old. I just...oh my goodness I'm getting worked up over the song. But that's how proud I am of it. Anyway, the soundtrack has to be at least 10 tracks, so I couldn't just turn in those two (with an unfinished demo of "A Ghost" used as an intro). So I compiled a 10-track soundtrack, cushioning the vast empty spaces with possibly-relevant-to-the-book tracks from TheDangerZone Part3, and I'm still searching for more songs. I want this soundtrack to be a Luke Morin soundtrack, not some compilation of other artists.

Updates

That right there was what I have of "Just Not Made For Love". Also working on the music.
I've been composing "Let Me". That'll take a little longer.
Chto Hochu is so close to being complete. Just need to record a bit more. C'est Gâché is getting there. I still need to write the second verse, finish arranging the music, and record. Other than that...
Also started the "Unusual You" song. Still don't have a title for it.
And, I want to write a song called "Stalemate". It may be the "I give up..." one.

Just Not Made For Love

Maybe some were just not made for love.
Burning candles of hope,
Falling to the ground.
Maybe I was just not made for love.
Hold my head up high.
I won't give up.

I made a mistake.
I've compromised myself.
How long did it take?
It's too late to tell.
I want to be here,
Hopelessly falling down.
But my piece does not fit,
No longer safe and sound.

I can't bring my words to sense.
My passive thoughts just stir the mess.

(Chorus)

new chorus (which I already forgot the tune to) :-(

I give up
This life of love's not worth it.
I'm taking off
This heart on my sleeve.
It only makes me cry.
I'll lose hope.
I'm crawling back to my safety zone.

(I do so hate you very well)

I'm just a stupid boy.
I don't know anything.
Look up to the sky.
I'm just chasing a dream.
When I'm all ready,
I'm standing in a line,
Waiting for the girl
Who's always on my

Mind your step.
I'm always waiting my turn.
I couldn't get any worse.
You're always getting in my way.
It took me the likes of you to say

I do so hate you very well.
I'm sick and tired of this very act of standing still.
I do so hate you very well.
I'll never give myself away.

I don't know how to speak
Like I know everything.
I don't know how to play
All of your stupid games.
I don't have the time
To sabotage your stay.
But listen to me. If you hurt her,
I'll know where to find you. It's that easy.
And I never wonder
How you were found.
No, I simply wonder
Why she's sticking around.

Round the corner.
Open your frivolous eyes.
Regret the day you realize
I will not be anything but polite,
But when there is no disguise...

(Chorus)

It's so un-Christian of me,
But I hate you.
Waiting respectfully
For my chance to fly.

That's it for now. I like that I get to be a little mean in this song. I just need to listen to these words all of the time, along with Let Me.

London did me some good!

got some new ideas, and some new lyrics!

Off to London

tomorrow! I'll have lots of time to sight-see.
To think.
To write.
Get that musical brain working!

New ending to "Let Me"

After the "Surrounded by myself, I'm giving up." line, there will be (No. I can't give up.)

Then, continuing the song from where I left off in the last post about "Let Me":

Let's go before I was thinking
That I could be that guy.

Let me cry.
Let me fall down one more time.
Let me cry.
But I will never say goodbye.

Let me cry.
Let me fall down one more time.
I'll still try.
I will never, never say goodbye.

I was just very troubled by the overall "giving up" mood of the song. I want to leave a bit of hope in the end.

Changes/Additions to A Ghost (as of January 10)

Going over the music this weekend, I decided to rearrange the lyrics a bit. Here they are in their new and improved entirety.

I see the hole where I should be.
What I think, who I need.
I'm at a loss for all that's important.
Realize I have no possibilities.

The weight will drop down
Wherever I run.
Soon I will be crowned
A Nice No One.

So I'll be home alone
Waiting for my life to come.
The cold numbs all my darkest thoughts.
I should be gratified
That you deign to keep me alive.
'Cos no one sees a ghost.

I can still hear you.
My heart waits here for you.
My love will never say die.

So inexperienced, yet so undesirable.
So naive, I thought everything would work out on its own.
Chances in my fallacies are soon becoming rare.
My robotic abstinence will be only despair.

Watching people coupling
As I fake a horrid smile.
Thoughts of you and me
Begin to surface all the while.
I'll cry too late,
For I will never see you.
Simply end this day,
My broken heart continued.

(Chorus)

I see the hole where I should be.
What I think, who I need.
I'm at a loss for all that's important.
Realize I have no possibilities.

But I see the hole where I can't be.
Imagine I'm a possibility.
Desperate crossroads becoming scared.
My frail insecurity could end my life right there.

(Chorus)

?Done?

Tonight, I'll hang up.
I'll go inside.
Finally, I'm done.
I've held up all my signs.
I broke myself to no return.
Never again
Will I speak a word.

Suppressed myself so much,
I don't have any tears.

I don't understand my thoughts.
I just don't know my heart.
But why must I go?
Why can't we start?

Another Untitled Jumble of Words!

I almost scared myself today.
Things were getting weird.
I tried to step aside,
Only missing you more.
I can't play it easy.
If I'm going to break,
Let me break for you.

I'm so stupid.
I'm so ashamed.
But I've got nothing left to take away.
Self-destructing.
I'm so afraid.
Will I ever get the chance?

I'm dangling.
Let me on the ground.
You're floating.
Get off of those clouds.
I'm waiting.
Just say no.
You're wavering.
You're wavering.
I'll wait!

Don't let me fall.
I don't know my pain.
Cloaked in confusion.
Just give me my mask,
And I'll pretend.
I'm so good at not feeling.
I can relapse,
Ruin my life.
Anything to stay in denial.

But I'll always keep you close.
I've loved too much, my heart too full.
I'll stay in place forever
If it means you're happy.

Wait

I'm sick,
And I'm wasting my time.
Hold on.
I'll never see the light.
Just let me reach the ground
Before the pain seeps in again.
For nothing feels better
Than this mess I'm in.
I'll keep these feelings
Bottled up inside
'Til the time is right.
This, I tried.

But
I can't wait by the phone,
Hoping for a call
To make my life amazing,
While I'm missing it all.
I won't sit on the edge,
Breaking my heart.
To watch you walk away
______________
I can't wait for your call.

?Unusual You?

Don't have a title yet...

I'll dream... (whispered)

I can't...ooh, I can't get you away.
Impossible to keep from play.
(Never mind. I'll see you later.)
I can't...ooh, I'll never get my way.
But I'm always one to stay.
(Never mind. It's not the right time.)

I'll wake up tonight and think you really love me,
Hold onto nothing to catch a glimpse of chance.
I'll be here to feel your love, forever waiting.
But I'm another...

I'll try today, love tomorrow.
Cross the line to waste the time.
I'll sing away my blissful sorrow
And hide this face to cry in shame.

Nothing left for Mr. Reject.
I'll just take another step back.

I'll hope, but I'm not everything.
Will this be my wasted dream?
(Don't cross the line. It's not the right time.)
I can't...ooh, I can't be second ring.
You think of me or it's nothing.
(Hold on tight. We'll be here later.)

(Bridge)
(Chorus)

I guess that you've realized
I won't fade to gray.
I'll wait right here,
But only in center stage.

I can't...ooh, I can't make an escape.
I'm stuck in your crazy game.
(No delays. I won't wait!)

Back!

...with some lyrics. Working on a song possibly for recital this year called "Let Me".

Let Me
Tears falling, and I don't know why.
Unanswered, but not a reply.
Forgetting that it's in my head.
I'll never free it again.

Just tell me you'll never miss me.
That I've lost my mind.
Say to me you'll never carry
This foolish heart of mine.

Ooh, let me cry.
Let me fall down one more time.
Let me cry
Before I say goodbye.

Unwinding all my thoughts again.
I'll never see the end.
Make believe I'm my only friend,
And I'll crawl back inside myself again.

Just show me I'll never wonder
What my life could be.
Break my spirit 'til I'm nothing.
Give me what I need!

(Chorus)

I've felt the bottom now. I can't go on.
Surrounded by myself, I'm giving up.

Just show me my silly nothings.
Tell me it's a lie.


more to come later...

I'm not liking this break...

It's so hard to take a break from music. It's so much a part of my life!!! But I must if I plan on being healthy ever again (I got another bad cold last week). Still recuperating while doing a large amount of homework. But I promise, once my creativity comes back, and I have more free time, it's back to the album! I'm thinking about doing a little recording for "A Ghost" soon. I'm in my element!

Taking a little tiny break

It's been very difficult to keep up with school work and extra-curriculars, AND work on music. I'll be taking a little break until things settle down.

Today

Writing has continued. New songs are in the works. I've also looked back on the idea of transferring a lot of my songs to the piano.

Such songs at the moment include:

A Loner's Song
My Mourning
Superficiality
Invisible
Let Me Be
Will I Fall? (ALS) [Full Version]
Not the Only One
Twisted

My original plan (I don't know if it's anywhere on this blog) was to have these songs transposed, but I see that this idea will have to be adjusted for more recent songs.

Hits For Piano

1. Superficiality
2. Let Me Be
3. Twisted
4. A Loner's Song
5. fInDmE
6. Everytime
7. Not the Only One
8. Invisible (Lyubov' Konchena)
9. Nothing's Changed
10. My Mourning
11. All She Wanted (All I Got)
12. Alone
13. Crash
    

New Song Idea: The Trip

The music is inspired by the Paramore song, "Let the Flames Begin" and Krystal Meyers' "The Situation".

Here's what I have now:

No, you can't lay your head on me.
I wish it could've ended right there.
But I had to be so stupid, not wanting to hurt your feelings.
Head straight to catastrophe.
I'll have to check No later,
It's not the moment to decide.

I'll give you an answer.
I can't care how you feel. It's just done.
The moment I break,
All of the self-righteousness is gone.

A Ghost

I see the hole where I should be,
What I think, who I need.
I'm at a loss for all that's important.
Realize I have no possibilities.
The weight will crash down
Wherever I run.
Soon I will be crowned
A Nice No One.

So inexperienced, yet so undesirable.
So naive, I thought everything would work out on it's own.
Chances in my fallacies are soon becoming rare.
My robotic abstinence will be only despair.

So I'll be home alone,
Waiting for my life to come.
The cold numbs all of my darkest thoughts.

Top Priority (as of December 11)

If I take myself outside,
Will you be satisfied?
Will you support me
When I lose my mind?

What's best for me
Is a break,
An easy pace.
I'm pushed into a tree.
I can't make everything my top priority.

I freak out
About the little things.
I get sick,
And I can barely speak.
I found out
I'll never get to sleep.
Stupid authority is making me forget to breathe.

You require of me
What I don't want to learn.
Your stubbornness is not out of concern.
Tell them if they try,
Look up to the skies.
There's not one more line I can memorize.
I want to please you.
I strive to succeed.
But I'll never have enough of what you need.

(Chorus)

If I take myself outside,
Oh the perspective I'd find!
In the cornered guilt,
I hope I lied.
Will you be satisfied
If I told you I cried?
Overwhelming for me
Must be defied.
Will you support me...
I'll strangle my creativity,
Qualified through the academy.
...when I lose my mind?

(Chorus)